I went to the clinic tonight, for fatigue, cough, dizziness, congestion... Thought I had the flu, or some kind of bronchitis, and after I freaked myself out on webmd I found my checkbook and went to the place. I tested negative for strep and mono, and she was happy to say that I just needed to drink fluids, and take otc's... But the entire time I was there, I was just anxious, antsy, and just couldn't wait to leave. Just seeing the hospital name, the same place mama died, just freaked me out.

But apparently I have low blood pressure, and I'm possibly anemic. I used to be severely, hospitalized, anemic when I was younger... And after years of tests and treatments, I got better, got off the meds, and was regular. I could depend on my food for iron and stuff... but I really don't want to have to go through all of that again. It's a lot of work, but I've just been so tired lately... 

And low blood pressure? WTF to that.

But I am! I read everything people post, I'm just lazy, and uninteresting.

I have a few queries for you... I love fanfiction, fanart, all this wonderful stuff we do. But for some reason, lots of people think it's illegal. I will never stop writing it, and reading it, and supporting it, but what I don't understand is how someone could believe that it's illegal, and stealing. It's just not clicking. How could it even be... I'm just drawing a blank. It's someone's own creativity and work. Even in disclaimers, you give credit to the universe, and verify that you aren't earning any money, but really. When people say "I don't own anything" or "everything belongs to Rowling" it drives me nuts. Rowling, or Meyer, or whoever didn't write this or that fanfiction. Just like the creators of Buffy didn't invent vampires. Rowling wrote her own fiction, and we use characters or even concepts... But no one owns concepts or ideas. ???

Another thing. It's actually making me sort of nervous... Not nervous, really, just a little bit... Like, I'm doing something wrong, but I can't admit to myself that it's wrong, and I don't even think it's that bad. The rest of the world would think it's fine, I'm sure, but in this little sector of religion and mentality, it's probably considered... cheating. I need some girl advice, just to see if I'm just exaggerating my situation...

I( a little more text )

Yeah. I'm stressin'.  

7 Things Meme

(I'm untagged... So I guess I tagged myself!)

A. List seven habits/quirks/facts about yourself.
B. Tag seven people to do the same.
C. Do not tag the person who tagged you or say that you tag "whoever wants to do it."

1. I sort of move in paths, and can't stand it when they tangle. So I always enter in the RIGHT door, never split the pole, will always walk BEHIND a car (never in front)... In my mind, it works out. I get a headache if I don't follow the same path through a building, or retrace my steps correctly.

2. I play Vampires Live ardently, am part of the Blood Angels clan, and am working towards being a Legion member in my clan... I have 1444 different vamps in my clan!

3. I like BBC sitcoms. I don't actually watch them for the plot, but the voices are just so soothing. 

4. I live so out of the world that I only JUST heard a smidgen of what happened in Haiti.

5. I have actually figured something out about my FF. favorites. My once, all-time favorite D/Hr/B is just not cutting it for me anymore. It doesn't rank anymore, as I've begun to favor a certain plotline, and it's just too fast for me... 

6. Okay, something that matters. I went to a foreign language immersion school when I was little. Spanish in Detroit, baby!

7. I wrote my mothers obituary! It's tiny (I'm poor). If you are a friend, and don't want to stalk me, or find me and kill me, check it out (here)!

Tagged... xsongforyoux ...x7?

 Me? Not take fanfiction seriously? Yes, I read some pretty raunchy stuff, but I work the ENTIRE fanfiction spectrum. FF is my addiction, and though I don't like it to be limited by canon (duh!) that doesn't mean that something completely AU/OOC can't be deemed "serious."  Dumb frick.

:) Happy New Year!

Your result for The Fan Fiction Personality Test...

The Weirdo

Crackfic, Mpreg, and all the other oddities.

Take The Fan Fiction Personality Test at OkCupid

 I just got a gift of some money from my Granny, who just died.. Like, she left me money... 

But with my brother all weird and chin-chillin' in Las Vegas for the New Year instead of helping out with Mama's funeral and burial costs, I have to use that tiny inheritance for Mama's passing. 

Thank you Granny, for paying for Mama... 

So weird!

  So it appears that everyone is making resolutions... I never actually thought about it.

I guess my resolution is to be more welcoming to people, and what they have to say. Just generally try to be nicer, and less impatient. And to use my Wii Fit at least once a week, and play DDR once a week as well. And when there isn't risk of injury, go on walks with my husband around our neighborhood.

Oh, and to stop eating scones with butter and hot coco. It's delicious, but I'm sure that works damage on cholesterol and calorie levels.... And nearly everyone who has died in my family has gone from heart disease.

AND to comment more on people's stuff. Like, I always want people to comment on my posts, but I'm too lazy to check my friends page to comment on their life happenings!

Goodnight!

 I hope everything is going well for you, and that you are enjoying yourselves!

I'm still doing well. After reasoning that although I am missing my mother, she has been missing her mother for over 40 years (since she was 13), and finally gets to spend Christmas with her family. It seems selfish for me to want her here, alone, when she can have what she's wanted for so long!

I just can't believe that I can't call her tomorrow. I can't hear her cheerily answer the phone "Merry Christmas, dear!" and hope we have a great day. I just can't believe that even though I have her number, she wont answer. It's so weird. I just feel so mental, and selfish for wanting her here so that I can hear her voice on the phone. 

Either way, Love y'all! 

So... I'll hold him down...
and you get the handcuffs? How's that sound?

 I need a story. As many as you can find me. 

I need a Slytherin Harry. Not Harry/Ginny though. Please please please!!! I love H/D, but I am so desperate, I'll read anything (not H/Gin)! Novel-length!

In real life... I'm doing great. Better than great. My coping mechanism is working, and I am settling okay. She's gone, but she's still here... I wrote her obituary, and in (literally) two days, I got everything out of her apartment, sold, donated, or traded, or stored. Two days. I finished today, and then got my hubby a haircut, and finished christmas shopping. I'm having a great day. 

Love y'all!
13

Ps. I really really want a Slytherin Harry!

 Alright everyone, I'm back into the swing of things. I'm not too depressed anymore, and I'm content just being able to talk to Mama throughout the day--even if it's just in my head. I had a beautiful birthday party tonight out at the in-laws! They made Mama's cherry ham for me, and I had a lemon cake and orange salad! I got $40, some tealights, hot cocoa, and the New Moon game! Earlier this week, I got $45, mittens, a decorative scarf, and a wand! Hermione's wand! Like, from the HP site! From my husband! Oh, and I also got some tupperware...

I also finished my semester. Despite what's happened, I still managed to get it 18 credits worth of finals and evals on time! I think I'm pretty awesome!

My new blog "Secret Slash" is up and running, so check it out if you can :). It's weird having to go find all the stories that I have been reading these last few months and re-read them for reviewing... But I'm working my way backwards quite nicely!

My next big thing is writing the obituary. Her funeral is on the 28th, so I really need to pound this out. Oh, and did I mention, her life insurance is void because she missed a payment somewhere down the line? I have to come up with thousands of dollars now!

Anyways, obituary. She really wouldn't want me to take up that much space, or spend too much money on it. But I'm writing it myself, and I really think she would like for it to be written correctly.

She worked so hard all her life as an SSI/Disability attorney in private practice, got a Phd in Law from the University of Michigan. She made money, traveled the country on her own dime, never lost a case. She welcomed people in to her own home, and took care of them when they needed help. So when she first began to get sick, all those people she had given money to, or let live with us, were extra willing to help her out. Her pride was almost a downfall, but she cherished what was hers and took care of her family and friends even before herself. 

Throughout all of these years of her illness and depression, she put everyone else first. The chance to help someone got her out of bed and on the phone, making calls and sending money or advice. Whenever I needed help with school, or my w2s, or whenever Mr.13's asthma started acting up, she would call and call, looking up numbers for us to get him to the doctors, or talk to financial aid... She helped us with our house... Just so much.

She would spend hours on the phone helping other people from her apartment instead of taking care of herself, and spending her money on herself and her needs. She was ridiculously simple.

I can write about her achievements, like I know she'd appreciate... Or I can write about her nature, and how she gave so much to everyone else, literally putting their trivial problems above her vital ones. She was a real Gryffindor!

All I keep thinking about is that when I have kids, in the distant future, she will never see them. Or get to hold them. And teach them manners, and give them oatmeal baths. 

And force my girls to wear slips all the time.

Would be for you to take my survey. I need the results for a technical report that's due tomorrow afternoon! I can't get an extension, so I'm rushing! It's 5 short multiple choice questions (one is short answer), should take less than 30seconds to do. Please please please! If you can take it before tomorrow at noon EST, Thursday 12pm... Or really whenever before the late afternoon, that would be prime! Thank you so much! I promise, it's really simple, seriously crappy, and I had to squeeze it into 5 questions. It can be found (here) 13Secrets! Thanks for all of the bday wishes!

Please? It's my birthday and I've never gotten one!

I know, I'm lame for asking.

Thank you so much for your kindness and support! Something is definitely helping me along, I've held back the crying, and have managed to get through most of the arrangements. All I'm really left with is... her apartment. I have to go there... Which is gonna be crazy, and empty it out.

I love her. I miss her, and I want her back. I talk to her throughout the day, and I am thoroughly convinced that she'll come back to me sometime soon.

But today is my 2 year anniversary, and my birthday is on Wednesday, the 16th. It's crazy, Dad died on the 17th. What the frick is up with this month?!

I am also writing her obituary. I am going to be posting ideas and things on here, just for criticisms. I really hope I can do a good job of it.

Love y'all, so so much.
13

Please... Idk.

Love y'all,
13

Everyone, thank you for our well wishes. I am definitely feeling a lot better today, have a clearer head, and I don't feel too overwhelmed anymore... One thing at a time!

I'm going to try to simplify this so I don't have to dwell on all the things that have happened so far.

( Big Text )
Thank you so much again! I'm doing my best with school and trying to lighten up my week with getting a new phone... :)
Love y'all!
13

I'm texting this on my phone, from the hospital. Mama had what seems to be a stroke, she's been fighting treatment, they had to sedate her. She's showing similar symptoms as last time (in may) and she hasn't been taking care of herself. She stopped taking her meds again, hasn't been bathing. Its really bad, and they are spouting this custody stuff again. I need help, advice, and just some sort of comfort. She's in intensive care now, but asleep. She can't speak, and when she tries its all slurred.

We fear that when she wakes up she's going to ask to go home, or leave and they'll have to let her unless someone else has custody of her. Idk what to do with school, as this is my exam week (technically) and I have classes from 8-5 nonstop tomorrow. I may have to just ask for excuses so I can be here. I just need help!

Find out your Harry Potter personality at LiquidGeneration!

LOL, I will punch you in the junk.

I love blogs. So, I've gone and started another one!

I have been reading so many stories lately, and have been much too busy to post my reviews... But as the end is near (Christmas Break!) I will be able to get the saved stories linked on my blogs... But I've been reading a lot of slash latelly, tsk tsk....

So I've started a new blog, called 13's Secret Slash (seemed catchy to me) and it will operate much like Loves Dramione... I'll post long or short detailed reviews, ask for approval or edits, and carry on. I can only hold so many of these fics in my Blackberry and MacBook histories! I need direct links!

I hope y'all will check out the layout/idea and tell me if you like it. I was thinking of keeping along with the bright choppiness theme.... If it becomes too much of an eyesore I'll change it!

13Secrets

:LOL:

Rock of Ages Let our song
Praise your saving power
You amid the raging foes
Were our sheltering tower

Furious they assailed us
But your arm availed us
And your word
Broke their sword
When our own strength failed us

I really should be Jewish. I'd do Jewish so good... Lol! How are y'alls hols going? I am having a great day, spending it laying around doing absolutely nothing even though I have plenty TO DO, and listening to music channels on silent (That's Pimp!)

We got 6 inches overnight, which is nothing really, but to go from no snow at all to a winter wonderland that requires salt and shovels and scoops and snow tires, and 20deg temps when just yesterday it was 35... It's a lot to take in when you have to move your own snow! And something else, the only bad thing of today... I had to pay parking tickets. I went to schedule for classes and there was a hold put on my account in September... They waited 4 years to lock my account in my senior year so I wouldn't be able to schedule because of some parking tickets on a car that wasn't even registered in the STATE? Not just a couple bucks mind you, but $340! After just paying on the house, spending a crapton at the Mall of America and IKEA, and who knows what else... And the snow tires! $260 gone. We spent, quite possibly $1500 in two hours today!

But I'll keep on singing my Jewish song until I get hit for it by my husbands mother... Dang Lutherans!

I need help... Please, if you see this, you know what I'm talking about and I need help finding a post. By softobsidian74, but just in case she doesn't get online in the next couple hours, I'm sure one of y'all remember a very specific post she wrote.... and when she wrote it.

PLEASE!! Okay, so I'm doing a project in my Literature Across Borders class, and what I'm exploring in my honkin' huge paper is the border between real life and fandom, and how our communities have changed over the years/months from strictly fan based Harry Potter topics to our personal lives and happenings (me with my mother's issues or ilke with her beautiful baby! for example). I need references, and I have the perfect one in mind.

A little while ago, Soft posted something about (I believe it was Soft) whether or not she thought it was okay if she wrote about her personal life, looking for love, all that. Not really asking, but she actually put thought into making sure it wouldn't be too out of sorts for us to see that sort of thing on our friends pages, or if we should be put in some separate friends file that didn't see those sorts of posts.

I know y'all remember what I'm talking about! And I have gone through almost every post in the last two years and I can't find it! I probably missed it, but if someone could help me out then I could read through it... and maybe ask for permission to quote it in my paper.

Let me know!

13Secrets